The Spotlight Effect

 

                                                        Photo by Jayy Torres

We at some point have had the idea that others hold certain opinions about us. We sit and ponder what people think of us when we are not around or even when we are present. We start to think:

Are they judging me?

Are they making fun of me?

If I truly express myself, what will others think of that?

There's a lot of fear there which stems from past experiences. I notice this in my kids' behaviour when they attend school and wonder how their other classmates view them. But with this fear one thing is for certain, we are not truly being ourselves. We tend to overthink or get nervous about how the world views us so we respond detracting back into our metaphoric shell.

Breaking through and coming out of our shell is not easy. Life presents us with many opportunities to face what we fear and improve our growth mindset. The fear we have from what others view of us is where the Spotlight effect takes fold. We always have the idea that the spotlight shines highly on us.

So what is the Spotlight effect?

"The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one's own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others is uncommon. The reason for the spotlight effect is the innate tendency to forget that although one is the center of one's own world, one is not the center of everyone else's. This tendency is especially prominent when one does something atypical. "

Referenced from:Denton-Mendoza, R (2012-06-05). "The Spotlight Effect" Psychology Today

The Funny T-Shirt

Researchers from a number of American universities decided to do a study testing the idea of the Spotlight effect. In the study students were asked to enter a classroom to fill out a survey. Some students were also asked to wear a funny and seemingly embarrassing T-shirt while present in the classroom. The selected students would enter the room with the T-shirt on with the other students in full view of the front door so they can see whoever entered the room.

After the study was over, the students were interviewed to see how they felt about wearing the funny shirt. The other students were also interviewed to see if they actually noticed the shirt at all. The results showed the students with the funny shirt overestimated how much the other students really took notice. The study shows that people believe they actually stand out more in a crowd whether positively or negatively than they really do. 

A good summary by Social Psychology can be seen in the below video

 Build Confidence not Anxiety

If we put this case into everyday life it can really give us a sense of calm instead of nervousness. We are noticed for our actions and behaviours less than actually we think. If our family, friends and peers feel that the social spotlight always shines brighter on them we can use that to our advantage and feel that we are not being judged as much as we feel. This can makes us feel more confident and go beyond our fears. When we start to observe other people with this new found knowledge we can see that others also experience anxiety over social behaviours and we can be less focused on our own social mistakes.

We as humans tend to worry about things that other people are not even aware of, and even if they are they probably do not care as much as we think they do. So how do we overcome these feelings. Emotions can be overwhelming, especially if we have been dealing with them for years without the right mental tools. With the right tools from leading experts in psychology we can start to have better awareness of how we think of social anxiety. 

Steps To Overcome Anxiety 

1. Understand the Reason: By knowing why we feel anxious in social situations can get to the root cause of it. Is the anxiety based on past conditioning that we learned or were taught by our peers? Are we afraid of people's judgement or are we afraid to make mistakes and not be perfect? If we keep in mind that other people are usually focused more on themselves this can help us move forward with our worriment.
2. Validate your Feelings: Understand that how you feel about any situation is important and not taken lightly. It is normal to feel nervous in social situations even if you have taken great strides to get over this fear. There is nothing wrong with you and nobody should feel shamed for it. Emotional validation can makes us feel accepted in our own skin. An emotionally validated person can usually regulate their feelings more appropriately and cool themselves down when emotions start to overwhelm.
3. Practice Meditation: Yes I know I have probably promoted meditation more than a handful of times on this blog but it really has its benefits. With deep breath relaxation we can overcome social anxiety slowly over time and start using visualization to manifest how we would like to feel in anxious situations. Learning mediation takes great effort and patience. Once these stress reduction skills have been practiced they can have a profound impact on lowering levels of anxiety.
4. Embody Self Compassion: Remember an important lesson and that is everyone makes mistakes. Learn to love yourself and be kind. When you have a strong sense of self worth then you will care less of what others think and be able to deal better in social situations. We are worthy of self respect. Treating yourself with the same care as you would a good friend or family member in need can give us that better sense of happiness we all crave.
5. Be Kind to Others : Let us not shame others for who they are and allow them to be their true self. I am reminded by great example of my children who teach me lessons everyday of who I am and how I can better improve myself. My children as of now are still young and love to make noise in public places. Many parents who read this can understand how this makes them feel anxious in this situation as if everyone else is staring at them and judging. As I too once was trying to quiet my son he said something profound in return: "Dad, just let me be myself." This resonated very deep within me. If I do quiet him for being loud then he will retract back in to his shell and be less open in life. Nobody deserves to feel inferior to the rest of the world, including yourself.

Recommended Reading: The Monk who sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma

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