Sharpen your Emotional Intelligence

Describing Emotional Intelligence

 I've always had a lack of understanding of what Emotional Intelligence is. My first impression is that its somehow connected to how smart you are. On the contrary, it is defined as the ability to identify and manage your emotions and those of other people. We do this by using empathy with our friends, family and colleagues. Also with our own emotions we are then able to regulate our feelings better and solve problems more effectively. 

Children have a higher difficulty dealing with their emotions. They are not given the opportunity to value the emotions that they feel. Boys for instance as I was growing up were taught not to cry for fear of ridicule. Boys were told just bury it deep and be strong. This insecurity of who we are in the eyes of others will then hinder our emotional intelligence which leads to bullying and judgement. Imagine a world where emotional intelligence could be taught in modern schools. I am pretty sure kids would be happier.

Acknowledge your Emotions

Knowing who we are is fundamental in learning the skills to enhance our emotional intelligence. We need to accept our emotions with appreciation. There is nothing wrong with being sad or lonely, these are feelings that come to us naturally through the appropriate situation. Once we are more accepting of emotions we can start reflecting on where they arose from. Some of the best ways of echoing emotions is by writing in a journal or meditation.

Being in someone else's Shoes

Once we have a clear awareness of our emotions we can start to better understand those of others. Emotionally intelligent people have a rational view of their strengths and faults, and how they come across to their friends, family and colleagues. They understand their triggers and how they respond to everyday situations.

If you think about the last time you were driving your car and someone else cut you off in traffic. Most people in this situation will get extremely angry, say some foul language at them or even retaliate by cutting them in return. Sound familiar? Well how we react is important. Would reacting negatively as mentioned make you feel better or worse? In actuality we don't know why that particular individual cut us off in traffic so we can learn from that by recognizing how to be more calm.

Active Listening

Empathy will help us understand someone else's values or beliefs which in turn will allow us to motivate others through active listening. Establishing rapport with others is important to creating a more harmonious relationship with the people we are close to on a daily basis. When people share how they feel we often judge, which does not motivate them to open up. We need to ask open questions and then actively listen rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak and respond. As you are listening look for cues in their body language to better connect.

We need to take responsibility for the way we interact with others by embracing our emotions. When someone upsets you then you should pause and weigh in on how people's actions led you to have those emotions and then regulate them before reacting irrationally. My colleagues will sometimes ask how I stay so calm when dealing with an irate customer. I just understand my mental state better than the customer knows theirs. An irate person's mental state probably has been historically stuck this way for a very long time and they are conditioned to believe this is the normal way to react.

Relationship Management

It has been spiritually documented that we are the totality of who we spend the most time with. Its recommended we choose wisely who we surround ourselves with. Imagine how you feel after being around someone who is always talking negatively, playing the victim card or gossiping about others. I know I feel emotionally drained. Now I know that sometimes those negative individuals could be family members, so what I can say there is not cut them out of your life completely but just manage less time with them.

On the opposite spectrum imagine spending the majority of your time with positive and uplifting people. Positive individuals are fun and full of energy which will then start to reflect energetically on our own well being and thus improving our mood. What sounds more interesting, being tired and irritable or being happy and full of life?

In conclusion dealing with the vast number of emotions is not an easy task. We have been conditioned at an early age to suppress emotions which will make it more difficult to dealing with life's journey as adults. However, I can assure you that having emotional intelligence will give us the motivation to look deeper within ourselves and have a greater abundance of health in our personal relationships.

Recommended Readings: Permission to Feel by Mark Brackett, Ph. D.