Practice Self-Compassion

 

Loving thyself 

Having love, compassion and kindness for yourself seemed very odd when I first heard it. I mean I know to love, be kind and compassionate to others. I was taught that at an early age and try to do it to the best of my ability in these modern times. Sometimes I would hear "give yourself a hug" or a "pat on the back" growing up but I would never put much emphasis on it.

In reality self kindness and love is extremely important since we spend a lot of our time creating judgement for everything we do. We often make very harsh statements about ourselves like demeaning our intelligence by saying how stupid we are or attacking our physical body's imperfections. Instead, I feel it would be more beneficial to say "its ok I made that mistake, I am not stupid and I am learning to improve everyday." This positive thinking can help alleviate suffering and bring us that warm comfort in our lives.

Avoiding Isolation

Imagine how one feels after long periods of listening to their inner critic. They start to run away with their feelings and isolate from the rest of society. This isolation gives humans the idea that life is not really that important and that society or the universe is completely against them. The "why me" scenario starts to play out in our heads and so when anything goes wrong in our lives we just blame society.

What we should be doing is realizing that it is acceptable to be in touch with our feelings. If something goes wrong then we don't need to solve the issue right away but then just pause, reflect on how we feel and evaluate that life is not perfect. This harsh voice inside of us as some call the Ego can then be slowly diminished.

Ego Destruction

A voice of watchfulness in our heads trying to protect us from life's ups and downs seems rational but sometimes its quite detrimental. That cautionary tale being played in our minds is often built from our fears. "That new idea I have is probably too difficult to achieve". Sound familiar? Well its an everyday struggle to silence that voice since its been engrained in our DNA for thousands of years. We were once tribal beings and fear was there to protect us from the many dangers of living in the wild so that negative bias is still kicking strong in modern times.

Going past our fears is the best remedy to combating the ego. That fear is there to teach us something and navigate to the best results. We then start to understand how our thoughts and fears have been influencing our lives and begin to liberate from the ego. This ego death allows people to no longer believe in receiving validation for our self-image which in the end serves us no purpose.

Once we let go of our harsh critic which riddles us with fear and negative thoughts, we can then be fully aware of who our true self is. This awareness grants us the ability to be in full charge of our feelings. Our consciousness can then dematerialize into the dimension of infinite possibilities. A simple example would be teaching my kids to ride a bike. In the beginning almost any child would say they were afraid to fall or hurt themselves. But once they get past the point of no return then riding a bike becomes a second nature.

Is self-compassion being selfish?

It is very simple to love and be kind to family, friends and colleagues but to us is very taboo. The idea of focusing compassion for oneself runs the risk of being labelled self-centered or egotistical. Nothing could be further from the truth. There has been an incredible amount of research over the past years showing the benefits of self-compassion. Those benefits range from an abundance of happiness, better relationships and reduced anxiety and depression.

Some tips in applying self-compassion in our lives:

• Don't keep your emotions bottled up
• Be vulnerable to show others you are not always perfect
• We are all human, we make mistakes so don't focus on negative situations
• Speak to yourself kindly with positive affirmations
• Feel your suffering when it occurs with full awareness and then do something that comforts you

I always strive to believe that life is not perfect for a reason. Life's journey has this bumpy road to lead us to a better path. The direction we choose on this path is up to us. So speak positively to your inner voice and avoid the ego's sometimes naysaying ways. Remember you would not talk to your spouse, child or friend the way we sometimes talk to ourselves.

Recommended Reading: Creating a Life. Finding your Individual Path, by James Hollis P.H.D

                                         The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, by Joseph Murphy